How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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