pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
