break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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