i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
