Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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