I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
