So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
