Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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