Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
