Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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