Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
