i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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