He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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