he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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