So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
