And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would fuck him just for his dog
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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