she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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