who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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