my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
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found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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