i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
