Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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