i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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