I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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