Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
