Sry I called you an 8
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
