I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
