you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
