A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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