You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
