I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
