That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize