i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
