have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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