I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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