just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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