You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
