her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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