Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
