hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
