I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
