the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
