I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
