if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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