do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
