Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
