Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm like, not good at living.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
