It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
