oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
