You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
