Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
