not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
