They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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