Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
