Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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