Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
