If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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