Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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