it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
These tits shall not be calmed
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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