Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
