the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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