is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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