in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
