I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
