If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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