they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
