Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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