i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
