He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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