The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.