i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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