Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..