just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk