I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party