I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
