She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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