using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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