Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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