out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
