Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
