Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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