p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
